To Michael Savage Aug. 15th, 2014 (special and personal edition)

Doc,

I've got your second hour and the end of the third. You were talking about emotional pain and said that all the phone lines calling in were light up. So, I didn't even try. In the second hour you went through different topics, such as food, father and son dinner at boy scout when you were 11 y. old and your father couldn't be there, mentioned middle east war today calling one side fascists, etc. Didn't mentioned the hot war in the middle of Europe though. Why is that? You don't have info. or you're not interested like the rest in media because they're white and Christian ? What is it? Why can't you google your own name and find this blog for 4.5 years? You suppose to be on internet all day long, right?
Alright, whatever. I do what I think I should do, no matter what. You still better then others who due to their ignorance can make the matter worse and contribute to hurting security of this country.
The end of the third hour you were talking about the race card played in St. Barbara college assistant professor's case who beat up a pro-life student. What's new under the son in USA? You should find the curriculum of SIPA at CU and see what they teach and, and, get this, get paid for it.!!! Yope! Look at the group of people who have organizations connecting them only with their skin color get together and talk not only discrimination, not only double discrimination, but TRIPLE discrimination. I saw that when I was were couple of years ago and I mentioned it to you while covering #OccupyWallStreet movements from Zuccutti park, which is at my YouTube channel.
I think today the movement of black race against white suppose to be in its 4th or 5th layer of creativity. It's a lucrative business who has to boundaries and no opponents and led by most vile souls under titles of esq. and rev. and prey upon working and decent people, who choose not to confront from the fear of being targeted and victimized. There is no political mechanism to protect decent and moral people in this country. No media outlet is into it, from the fear of themselves. Try your name, just ask them what does it mean to be moral and decent, see if you'd even get an answer reading from dictionary. Are this words in dictionary even?
Is there is solution to this problem. I'm not a total pessimist. I believe, yes. The only thing to start with is to have a camera connected live time to internet on your forehead going anywhere in New York City and showing it - whiteout commentary. If I'd have it done I'd be a very rich woman and would be helping other to protect themselves. In my life in NYC from 1991 I have been discriminated everywhere because I'm white almost daily bases. From living for room and board when I arrived with nothing and no English, until working for IVY college and just recently while grocery shopping in Upper West Side. I can tell you stories like no other. If you'd need a proof, all you have to do is give me that camera steaming directly to your program, asking decent and moral people to sponsor the project with lawyers standing by to file the papers. Ones it's all over the world, the entire media complex will collapse, because it's built on lie, deceit and cover up. The only blessing that I have, (which I considered a great pain at the time, and which made me literally cry my eyes out at the time)
is not to get involved in main stream journalism in here. Selling lies and poisoning the society while making money for the people who run the circus, is the most clowning thing you can do to your own existence. We need to show the fact directly, live-time and get many many Soross on our side.
That the only way.
All above is about you, I, people like us (who can see the things through) and the mental state of our society.
But now, let's go to the part of the world that you don't touch, although it's burning and it's in humanitarian catastrophe. People dying from hunger, left in host town and no one is there to bury them.
Is this bad enough for you to cover? Why don't you then? You don't know what's going on? I'm telling you right here;
at 1TV.ru/news/world/265529 you'll see what kind of hot war is going on between people who took arms to protect their homes and towns and those who went there to kill and destroy them paid by oligarchs of their own country who are backed, encouraged and directly supported by USA and them it's little brother - EU. If you a man with a microphone and a taxpayer, why aren't you outraged about this. Go check the clip out. See who is even physically involved in the war. See the English language indications and wording marked on military ammunition and machinery of those who went from Kiev to kill their own brethren in their own mutual country who are paid by your government.
See; yesterday when self-defense forces, after a deadly, devastating battle against government's hired thugs, took over their left over arms, there are marks on them in English language. Do you think thugs who had no jobs in villages of Ukraine and went for promised $85 a day salary by oligarchs to kill their own countrymen, forgot to mark things in Ukrainian or Russian and started writing in English?
Do you know that $50 a month, if someone would have a job would feed a family? And oligarchs who make billions of $ and Euros on the ruins of former soviet union now have their OWN armies? All governors in UA are oligarchs, who are appointed by Kiev. How the "revolution" in maidan changed things for average Ukrainian who wanted a "change"? THE CHANGE - that is! That's what they've got - for sure! Army called "Dnepr" in Ukraine; well armed, rootless and lawless, getting into anybody's homes they want, taking what they want, killing them, if they feel like it or kidnapping them all over in Eastern Ukraine. Have you heard of that? Can you find out who's army is that. Everyone knows, who is literate about this conflict. Why not you? Don't you see the footages on internet? Didn't I write them to you for many months by now? Oh, yes, you can read it yourself. Oh yeah, it's translated, it's in English - right on the official site. Why don't you ask who is it from here who is selling weapons into civil war in the middle of Europe and thus jeopardizing out safety and security at home for us every minute. How much Russian government can tolerate and watch what is the US and its puppet EU are doing with a proxy war like this. Don't you know it's a "personal war" for Mr. O against Mr. P?  Oh, you don't?
Why don't you? Why don't you ask me? How do I know? Well, I can show you, instead of explaining.
I'll show you the facts that you missed out. You can do your own conclusion.
When I called you at the first time, you were impressed. You literally said "it's a pleasure, I can talk to you for hours" and asked your call screener to get my number and email to be in touch and you even a sent a book. But by email you're sending your website. I checked it all the time and also fallowed you
on Twitter before, so what was new about that compliment? Why can't you have some regular callers who gave you business for soooo many years - like me, myself and I, ha?
Yes, I'm frustrated and I'm speaking out. Who do I blame for not covering such an life-important topic? I listen to you the most and you're the one to blame, because you should be better than others. They can't reach that far. I respect quite a few of them, they're doing good job in their own ways, but you're the one I listen the most, so....   You get the credit and the blame as you should.

Now, let's get back to business, shall we? Or, should I say, "SHALL I?" because so far I'm talking to myself excluding some random readers on internet who founded this blog by accident.
Do you know how many hours of my life I spent on this blog besides listening to you? I don't write about or quote everything that is out there. I'm very choosy. I know 10 times more what I write. I compare sources all the time, not only the ones oppose to each other, but the ones who cover different way, then i do my own conclusion according to my own knowledge, education, life experiences and logic which is only mine. That's my way. If I'd talk about usual things in my life, I'd not have time to simply live my life. 90% of my time when I talk (beside 10% with friends talking about their families, work and daily lives) I talk about something out of ordinary. Something unusual, something very good or very bad, at least out of common occurrence. I did journalism that way when I was much younger and was getting paid for it. Otherwise why would I bother to waste energy at the first place right now, at my age and greater knowledge about the world WITHOUT getting paid?
I never had an article refused to be published when I was out of collage and working freelance.
Nobody told me what to write about. Never had a complain from readers about any discrepancy
in my writings. At the beginning the publisher would be in disbelief that it was me, a young woman who graduated from Philology department of University was writing about the problems at Contraction and Building industry in the Republic and trying to challenge the heads of different agencies and ministries to come to the table to answer to my Qs, take the criticism, admit they were wrong and tell me when they're going to change things to required level and come back to the table in one mouth (which was set by ME) to show those changes in reality. Publisher was reluctant. He asked where I found all those things. Should he know himself, he'd write about it himself and on top of his salary would get a royalty (which called "honorary" there). He put me in his office to come to work as full time employee from morning till night - 9am-5pm, M-F (without getting paid for being there) to do all the research in his presence, make all the calls on speakerphone, invite experts to consult and confirm the facts into the office setting (instead of going to them to their offices). Then, he was impressed. Only then he took the chances to publish my works knowing that everything was factual, everything was essential to everyone's life and survival and sooner or later would come out and effect the people anyway. That's how I ended up having my own programs on national TV of the Republic through Science and Education Department, only getting paid honoraris. I had no "uncle" behind my beck to "open" a new "sit" and employ a new person to pay salary (they called it "shtate" or "shtute" like "stuff"), everything was completely taken by powerful people with connections and many were working as freelance for many years. Talking about competition!.......
But, where I come from Journalism wasn't considered a profession, it was thought as a part of the discipline called Philology. To me it is still an occupation. I'm a linguist and literally critic by trade.
No one thought me how to write, unless it considered a grammar of the language I'm an expert in.
That's a profession. Writing is a lifestyle, a way of living and should come freely from outside. It shouldn't be a money making tool, at least not from the beginning. If someone see your writing and what to pay to read it - all power to you. But to teach journalism as a profession and in the process charge you arms and legs (as the institutions of lower learning do in here), is one of those first things which made me weep with bitter tears when I was new, naive and still too optimistic. I still remember every hour of that day. It was in summer of 1995. THE dream I had for myself and my career in America was
shattered down to my feet that day. I had no place to hide when I ran down of the stairs and out of the building of that school. Couldn't hide anywhere. Was so embarrassed to cry in public that I ran to closest church which was open, set there in the most private, darkest corner I could find and let it go. Actually there was a woman in religious clothing (she wasn't a priest then, now she is and I still recognize and remember her), who found me, come to me, asked what happened, didn't get an answer, put her hand on my head and prayed and prayed, until I quieted down. Took my nodding as promise to go back when i needed and find her personally if need to and left me in quiet.
Now that I remember this for no reason at all, does this answer to your today's Q "what is your biggest emotional pain" to your listeners? It was big at the time. For real. Not the biggest one in my life, no.
There are more important things in life than a career. For women generally, for me particularly. Pshycologically women more flexible and can adjust to life changes better and faster than men.
I had losses which can't be replaced, there will be there - in my soul forever and I' not trying to get rid of them. Let them stay, those wholes in my soul should bother only me, but I'm good. I take them as they are. I can't change. I don't have power over universe to reverse death. Who am I to think so? Who am I to fight the nature of God? It gives good with bad. It gives life with death, childbirth with pain, laughs and tears not only one after another, but at the same time like tragicomedy.
Those losses made me who I am, for better or worse. Do I have regrets? Don't know. I don't think so. Should I do things a little different ways, bent my values, principals just a little and benefit greatly from it and suffer less? Yes I could, definitely. Absolutely and not only ones. But everything comes with a price to pay. I WOULD NOT be able to get to Times Square in New York City hold a loudspeaker, look at the skies and scream loudly about choices I made, which led me to struggling and suffering emotionally and psychically in this society. Other who had the "jobs" I'd be qualified for, should i be connected, Other who own properties what I could afford should I shag up just a little, even ones, but didn't and don't, and other how have them and all the money in the world, CAN NOT do what I can do and tell about their lives to the world - out in the open!
That's my thing! I can be in front and center of self - exposure and be one of the few out there to benefit from it.
Still, maybe naively, I believe that there would be one, just ONE person, with all the money and power needed. who would say "let's listen to this person carefully." That's all I need now.
I'm ready. See? I can't even stop.
There are so many things I can do to benefit myself and others today. Most of it is depend on having tools like money and/or connections. I could save lives and create lives. Not really a racket science for my logic and imagination.
I could do things no one is doing including all the talk show hosts everywhere, TV or radio. I could ask you the Q and after your answer (which would be "NONE"),  give you a plan do do something I'm talking about - step by step.
I better stop though right now. First I'm starving, second I'm not done with the news today and 5 more posts are still in drafts. I have no life for myself. I haven't had a careless day to go out and enjoy myself and weather this spring and summer. I didn't know that events in Ukraine would be so heart-ranching for me; don't have anyone in there and haven't been in Ukraine in my life.
But, no one knows how muse works. The word comes from the name of the God of creativity in ancient world. I din't know I have to write about anything else, but news. It's just like a composer, when he/she touches the instrument don't know where it's going to go. Someone have been deaf and created classical music. Someone was a child and composed classical music without lessons how to play. Like a painter; he might have an idea what he wants to paint, but, after couple of stokes, pencil or brush take their own turns. I have known one artist like that, in the old country. He was so spiritual and different from others. He really believed in God and worked under its inspiration. I was a regular guest with open invitation to his studio, which was only for work and he don't want random people in there.
He told me when I'm there he could do his job without interruption, like I wasn't even there, which wasn't the case with most of the people he know. He was my friend's friend and I met him as a journalist out of interest to write about him. Only my friend had the key to his studio to safeguard the property whenever he wasn't there. He showed me the works first, then i was interested to meet with him. While doing journalism I wasn't into arts as it is. The most thing i could do is to report on art events, such exhibitions, concerts, nominations, etc. Hanging with artists wasn't my cap of tea. Only one personal friend i had who was a singer in the Opera. She would get me all the impossible tickets and for free. Only that one artist that I remember I respected and still remember.
Shortly after I met other people who were extraordinary professionals and scientists in their fields.
One was a medical doctor who would add her own personal God given gift to her official education to cure people, and the other who was a physicist with university education with highest degree and learned medicine by himself and had people lines up to be cured by him and his remedies. All the remedies he don't create by himself. He learned the middle language, which professors of linguistics can read only with dictionary and translated recipes from there. He cured an American journalist who arrived from DC. I met him for an interview and he actually told me. I was chocked. There wasn't any advertisement anywhere about this guy, I never heard of him, but he was already known in America in his own community. he could stay in America and make a good living, but he didn't. Then I saw him on TV diagnosing people from close distance. Not like a psychic, no, he had to feel the energy. I saw the surprise on people's faces. Only then I decided to check it out myself and write about him, if I find it convincing to me. Don't forget that I'm also a Certified Medical Nurse in Military reserves at that time.
When I went to his office, he met me like I already knew him. At that time I was already working for an American newspaper. I told him right away that I want proof and I want to see his work in process.
He said "if you have time, sure, why don't you throw the nurse's gown on and be in my office. In between the patients you can help me in to lab., if you want." That's what i needed. I was there all afternoon, then had an invitation to go whenever i wanted to learn things. Then i went as many times as needed to write about him, in the process saw people that I know personally going to him and seeing results. Wow, that wasn't wow moments, but none of us can do what he was doing, because his trade involved his OWN intuition/energy to do those things from the beginning to the end. I could learn some recipes in the lab, but that's all about it. Also I found out that like in nature people have different energy field around their body, which he can sense. He even showed me how he checks it with commitment that I won't tell anybody. SHhhhhhhhhh.... Till this day. But what he told me about myself, that I have very strong positive energy. That I can't be with people who have negative energy field around them, because simply they'd suck energy out of me and thrive on it. He told me if I'd have a negative energy he never would not invite me in, moreover let me stay and learn. To my Q if he cures people with negative, he said yes, as much as I can handle, so they won't drain me to the end. I need to recover and
replace my energy to live and help others. Remember when your mother or grandmother would say "an evil eye" that's what negative energy is. It's there and it's working doing its negative work. Were good and bad come from? See? Now that I went I don't know where with my "muse," I remembered another person, a professor of engineering from Polytechnic Institute in Moscow where I was visiting my cousin who lived and worked in Sochi, Russia in one of the summers of my student years. She was visiting my cousin also, who was doing his PHD in the same faculty that she worked. What happened is this; when i see the sea i jump into it and have a hard time to come out. It's my thing. Usually, because of it i get cold. At the same time I always get sunburn because I'm not fan of putting creams on my skin or miscalculate the time under the sun. So, my nose was running like a sewage pipe, peeling multiple layers of skin from my neck and beck and coughing on top of it. Could only sleep on my face, if that.
When she came in with her husband, I retire to another room, so won't bother or infect them. After my cousin told them about my usual mischievous behavior on the beach (which was happening every year) and trying to "cure" me by putting world famous Cognac in the hot tea and by coating my back with plane yogurt, she came and asked me to join them, she is not worried about being effected from my condition. My cousin also said that she wanted me to join the conversation and get acquainted. He said everyone who knows knows that she has an extra-sensitive energy which can cure. Surely she could cure her own wounds being diabetic, when she needed, in front of everyone in school. I'm talking about
engineering school teacher in so called atheist country. To be a psychic or do work as one was prohibited by law and considered an attempt to foul you by a low life crook. Talking about those things were below people's style to be considered normal let alone a scientist. But i had nothing to lose, so I gave it a try. It was a small kitchen. So I set on the window seal. She stood up, hold the palm of her hand against my nose by an inch i guess and was moving it around, asking me if I felt warm energy. Yes I did. She asked me to tell if it gets too hot for me. While talking about the engineering school and things around the town in Moscow as part of the conversation, she kept moving her palm and changing her hands and rubbing them together in between. After some time, i felt i had enough. She set down like nothing happened, just moving hands while talking. I was surprised. My nose kind of opened up right there and then. Like the sun can dry a wet paper or a cloth. She said to give it a day or two and don't be too naughty on the beach. That night I slept breathing fully. The next day, i wiped my nose only occasionally. The third day they visited again and i didn't need help anymore. My beck healing went as usual, when she asked if i want her to see and do something, i thought i was already good. One help the other too, that's how i felt. The good energy started to flew from sticking out point, such as my nose and went around. She actually said the thing that I heard from others later in life who didn't not know each other; I have a strong positive energy. Shouldn't i be positive it would take longer to heal, she said.
That's why maybe I'm a loner. I don't like to be in big groups of people, work in "team" jobs, hang around people that i don't know and have random visitors at my place. Maybe that's why I'm still single? Who knows? My gift from God is communication. Everyone saw it when i was very young.
If I couldn't talk to adults I would talk to them through my stuffed animals. I'd created characters, so I could transfer thought thought them.
Also i was destine to be a famous surgeon, everyone who know me thought then i was a little kid.
It wasn't a just wish from adults, it had apparent signs that no other kid showed. But, about that - another time. I'm happy it didn't happen.
So, to finish this iconic personal post of mine, i should say I have 2 things not to regret about today;
1. I din't become a doctor,
2. didn't pay to go to journalism school in America.

Does this answer to any of your Qs on the show this week? ? ? Who knows?
Maybe it answered to some of my own Qs, which were not asked loudly?
Maybe I was searching for my own answers about things happen and didn't happen in my life.
I'd see clearly later when I'll read it and give it a second look with more analytic, than emotional mind. This was emotional for me and I didn't even go there to the exact answer to your specific Q today.
Tomorrow is another day.

So long.